mixed emotions

Perhaps naively I had failed to anticipate the mixed emotions that would surface when the countdown to leaving neared single digits.

Spain Sept 8 Sta Catalina (5) - Copy
Past adventures were bursting with possibility at this stage of the process, but this journey is promising – and already providing – sacrifice and suffering.
While there’s excitement at the forthcoming adventure and we talk about it while we’re out on the training walks, it doesn’t seem fair to mention it too much to those who are being left behind. The excitement is guarded.
There’s excitement, too, that Daddy is coming to walk with us for two weeks, but it is overshadowed – or even swallowed – by the knowledge that we’re walking WITHOUT HIM for two *months*.
There are little nervous ideas popping up in unexpected places. But at the end of the day it was *my* crazy idea, so I don’t expect to garner much sympathy! It would be fair to say these fears are guarded too.
Then there are the early morning whisperings from under the shared duvet reassuring me I am loved and supported, but they are bitter sweet; I’m going to miss this man I have shared almost two thirds of my life with. But it was my choice, my decision to embark on something that left him on the sidelines. Despite the fact that he’s cheering loudly, it’s just not the same as setting out on a shared adventure, and I’m already not enjoying that part of it, even as our toes touch under the sheets.
And then there are those two we’re sending off to India. What was I thinking when I made that suggestion? I still think it is a wonderful opportunity, but is it not the way that the good may not be the easiest?

029(By the way, you two, it has been great having you along on some of our walks.
If you ever have times in India where it feels all darkness,
remember this tunnel we walked through last week –
eventually we all came out into the light.
Keep your eyes on The Light, not on the darkness,
and reflect that Light yourselves.)



2 thoughts on “mixed emotions

  1. Hi Rachael,
    Pre-Camino nerves are horrid! My first Camino back in 2009 I walked without Valerie. We were apart for over 5 weeks – the longest time ever in 45 years of marriage. She was awesome in her encouragement and support and when it came to the crunch we were both O.K. about it and parted without tears, knowing that the same Lord was watching over us both, even though we were many miles apart.
    Once you get going things will be O.K., it is just the unreality feeling until then that you will have to live with!
    Our prayers for you all and our blessings on your Camino.
    love Terry and Valerie (Tio Tel and Tia Valeria)

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